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The Oprah Show on the Red Death
Copyright © 2005-2007 by Aster Rose - All rights reserved		 

The Oprah Show on the Red Death
by Aster Rose
Oprah: Welcome to the Oprah Winfrey show and I’m the host, Oprah! Today we are talking about Contagious Diseases! Our first guests are Prince Prospero, the ruler of the land, and Marius Hans Carlito, a person with a very contagious disease. (Enter Prince Prospero and Marius) Now what disease do you have Marius?

Marius: I have the Red Death! DUM DUM DUM!!

Oprah: That’s nice, now what were we talking about again?

Prince Prospero: Uh…the Red Death?

Oprah: Oh yeah, now Marius what symptoms does the Red Death have?

Marius: Please, call me Hans. Now the Red Death’s symptoms are sharp pains, dizziness, and bleeding at the pores. There are scarlet stains all over he body, and the victims look like hideous monsters. MWAHAHAHA!

Oprah: Really, how interesting, now is there a cure for the Red Death?

Marius: No. MWAHAHAHA! (begins hacking cough)

Oprah: Do you need a tissue? Don’t spread germs! Now, Prince Prospero, since you are the ruler of the land, what is your approach to this horrid disease?

Prince Prospero: I am shutting myself and all the richest people in the land up in my wonderful castle. All the poor people shall die! Then we won’t have to worry about giving them food anymore! Yay!

Oprah: That’s not nice! You should have let everyone in!

Prince Prospero: I couldn’t have! Holocaust time! Heeheehee! All the poor people were infected with the disease! Heeheehee!

Marius: Not true! You are just a discriminator!

Prince Prospero: Thank you! In fact, since you have the Red Death I must destroy you! (maniacal laughter, tap fingers together)

Oprah: Now boys, calm down. We should all be happy little people who watch Disney and love pink.

Prince Prospero: What’s Disney? Is It a type of a weapon?

Oprah: No! Nevermind! Now, Marius, how do you feel….

Marius: CALL ME HANS!

Oprah: Ok. Now, Marius, how do you feel about having the Red Death?

Marius: I told you to call me HANS!

Oprah: Of course, bur Marius, please answer the….

Marius: I feel angry that I have the Red Death, and I feel even angrier that you won’t call me Hans! (grabs Oprah by the arm, Oprah stares at arm in horror)

Oprah: Ohmigosh! I’m like breaking out in red boils! Ewww! They’re rupturing! G-ross!

Marius: Now you see what it is like to have the Red Death!

Prince Prospero: Now you all see how evil the poor are! It is now my duty to destroy you! ( rushes at Marius and grabs his arm as he tries to pull Marius to the floor. Suddenly Prince Prospero stops and stares at his hands and arms) I’m…I’m bleeding at the pores. I feel so dizzy…

Oprah: (wailing) I’m going to die…oh, the pain….(lets out a high-pitched shriek and collapses, dead)

Prince Prospero: You horrible peasant…you destroyed everything!

Marius: Shut up you sadistic pig!

Prince Prospero: (falls to the ground) I may die, but I’m taking you with me! (tries in vain to drag himself over to Marius. Lets out a hacking cough and dies)

Marius: And they all lived unhappily ever after! (maniacal laughter and keels over, dead)

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